Angels do fall. They fall from the heavens and fall to someone who is really in need. But since they are angels they do not belong to the mortal world, and when the time comes angels do have to leave. But that doesn't mean they will forget.
Because angels do fall in love.
I was hopeless, helpless, and on the verge of giving up. I was alone. No one loved me. No one cared for me. No one even bothered to notice my existence. I was nobody. A waste of space, a waste of air, a waste of life. I had been neglected all my life. I was disowned, thrown out, rejected, and by all means unloved and hated. What have I done to deserve such cruelty, so much hate that goes beyond my understanding. I had never harmed anyone, nor even hated anyone, I simply wanted to live life. And I had prayed for all my life to be able to know love.
What is love? Something that cannot be seen, but can be felt. Could it be like the warmth from the sun that burns me now as I stand here. Or could it be the seeping cold that envelops me as I lay on the cold streets at night as I sleep. That I'd never know. Love is something really unknown.
I lay freezing to my toes, it was my fourth failed night of finding shelter, or any kind of help. And I was nearing surrender, I felt myself slowly numbing from cold and hunger. My feet had started to become purply, so did my palms, for I had no shoes nor gloves on them. My head was as heavy as a block, and my body ached everywhere. And yet ironically, all this cold was making me feel numb. So it just evens out all negative feelings, I guess I could say, hallucinatingly, that I'm ok! What a stupid thought. Sleepiness now overwhelms me. My nostrils are filled with pine and ice. My eyelids slowly droop, and they shut, and then slowly... I was in nothingness.
I wake up to the strange smell of coffee, then the sound of my stomach in shameful growling. I haven't had a decent meal lately, can't remember the last. So if this was a dream, I'd rather not wake from it. The mere aroma of those roasted coffee beans, was enough to fill me for the day. It wasn't just the coffee that was strange that morning. One thing was, I didn't feel the prickling heat of the sun on my skin, it was just a warm caress upon my arms. Another thing, I didn't feel the hard and cold metal beneath me, the park bench that had been my cuddling refuge for the nights that I had been homeless. Now I felt smooth, soft, and feathery stuff beneath me, am I in a bed? Or had I gone straight to heaven in an overnight? Gah! I sprang up and realized I was in a decent room, someplace totally unknown. I didn't know how to react. Should I scream for help? Why would I do that when it seems that someone did help me last night. Should I call out for anyone at home and ask where I am? Uhhh, well, I feel the tugs of shame, so I'd rather sneak around the house and see who owned it. Then, like a really bad hungry wolf, I sniffed, and sniffed, and sniffed so hard. I was smelling food! Damn I was hungry as the dead! I stood from the bed, looked down and checked myself. Hey, I was clean! I didn't smell or feel like crappy shit anymore! And I was wearing utterly loose clothing, an oversized white shirt and very very long jammies. I rolled the pant cuffs before I started to walk, or else I'd be rolling and crawling on the floor everytime I stumble. I walked in the very strange house. Strange because it had the sense that I never felt my entire live, the warmth of a home.
I stood motionless. Eyes so wide. Mouth a bit agape. And even under the cheery sunshine, I seem to have frozen on my feet, stun cold, stark naked. I watched as the tall figure moved swiftly in the kitchen, humming a light airy tune. I stared.Mindless. It was like my brain fell and bounced out of the window. So much for rationality fleeing. But my chest, it was screaming! My heart raced, pounding so alive as it had never been all my life. What was this I felt? I watched as the figure slowly approached me, a plate and a cup in each hand, then spoke "Good morning!"
Was I dead? Why is an angel smiling so brightly at me?
No! Hell crap I wasn't dead! It was the owner of the house, HE was the owner of the house. His eyebrows lifted in curiosity at my blunt staring, so I turned my face and shook my head, for I had felt my cheeks burning in embarassment. He smiled and bade me to eat with him. Coffee, eggs, and toast. God I though it was a feast! He went to the fridge and took out a bottle and placed it on the table. It was strawberry jam! I looked at him, I could not ask! My eyes did the asking, and he laughed slightly then said "It wouldn't matter if you wipe that bottle clean with toast." I smiled, widely, like a kid grinning with sweets in hand. All I could say was "Thank you." And I said it over and over again in my mind. But in my heart was a whisper creeping slowly.
I had been here for a few weeks now. He wakes up earlier than me, makes breakfast, then wakes me up. We eat, I clean up after, then he says goodbye and goes to work. During the day I watch TV, clean around, fix and clean his stuff, then prepare dinner for us. Never thought of eating lunch, I kinda liked it more to eat with him. Then when he comes home, we eat dinner, I clean up. Sometimes we'd watch a movie together. Only our laughter could be heard, there wasn't much talk between us. It never occured to me to ask anything about him, nor did he to me. It was like, we preferred the silent company of one another. Just a presence in this home. I guess, it must've been lonely for him to be alone. I had nowhere to go, so I was really really afraid to ask if it was ok for me to stay or should I leave. But one thing reassured me that it was ok to stay, because everynight, ever since I came to live with him, he never fails to bring a red rose. And when I open the door for him, he smiles at me, pats my head, and places the flower on my ear tucking my hair behind it. It was a small and sweet gesture. And I grew fond of it, I began to love that moment, of him and me and a small token of sweetness.
Was this love already?
One night, as I sat with him outside, watching the stars while toying the rose he gave me, I asked out of nowhere, "Why did you save me?"
He looked at me. I got scared, he wasn't smiling or anything, his face had no emotion at all. But his eyes, it spoke loud, was it longing? And were those tears forming? I kinda panicked and so I started to stutter, "It's ok if you don't want to answer." But he cut me off, by cupping my cheek in his warm palm. Then with a whisper he said,
"I came because you needed me. You thought you had no one, but actually, you have me. You have had me for your whole life. You just didn't know."
Then his face slowly came towards me, his eyes slowly fell and mine did suit. His lips brushed against my nose, then down to my lips as he kissed me. With that his arms came around me and hugged me. That sweet night and made me feel that I wasn't alone, that I had him in my life and he had me in his life. And then, for the first time in my life, I knew love, I felt love, and I had fallen in love.
It was a strange morning. I woke up, alone, the windows and doors were closed. There wasn't any smell of coffee or food. I though maybe he had to go early today. So I did my usual routine, though something was really strange. I remember I cleaned yesterday, but why do things around this house seem dusty? I was frowning, but I cleaned up as well, it really bothered me why I had this uneasy feeling.
Night came, and I was waiting for him to come. Then at last! I heard a knock on the door. I rushed to open it, it sounds stupid but it was just a few hours that he was gone and I missed him immensely! But what in the world? Had someone been playing tricks and rang the doorbell then ran away? I frowned real hard and was about to shut the door when... I looked down, there was a rose on the doormat, and with it a folded piece of paper. I took it in, and toyed with the note, I was about to open it when there was another ring on the doorbell. I opened it and I was surpised, it was a strange old lady. She greeted me good evening, and so I did. She asked for my name, then she gave hers, and told me she was our neighbor. I smiled in relief and asked her to come in, she declined and said she understood that I had many things to do since I just moved in. My eyes widened in sharp surprise. She then began telling a story, of a family that was so full of love, but an accident took the parents away and left a boy to grow alone in that house. And that boy, she grew to love and treat as if he was her own. And now that the boy was gone too, she wanted to know who his girlfriend was. I panicked, what the heck was this woman talking about. Then she said.
"He said, if ever you'd come, I'd remind you never to be lonely. For wherever he is now, he's still there in the clouds, watching over you as your angel."
I sat on the porch. Alone. What had happened in the past days? Was it a dream? Was it real? Was I hallucinating that I had been living with someone! I then held the paper and the rose in my hands. My fingers trembled as I opened it. And when I read it, I cried, hard, as if I had lost my life again. My heart shattered to pieces as I held it close to my heart, his last memory. His last goodbye.
"I'm sorry I can't be with you. But I'll be watching over you from the heavens. Always.
I love you."
Yes I did the story and painting. Well, the painting came first, then followed the story.
I can't recall the last time I've been this happy with the outcome of my drawing. The feeling is awesome! I've been doubting myself lately, because I'm not able to draw or paint how I want to, or how I envision it in my mind. This really means a lot to me. I tried really hard. My right hand is still shaking, got too tired controlling the brush I was using. I wanted everything about this to flow and glide the way I want to. I might sound like a control freak, but yeah, this just proves to myself that I am still able to draw.
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