The end of all I know by axl99

The end of all I know

by axl99 in XXX

[Don't mind the old scribble, I couldn't find anything recent to put up.]

It's been a while since I last wrote, I figured I drop a long yarn to let some people know what I've been up to lately.

A lot has happened in the past couple months. On the personal side of things, I've been dealing with a lot of family problems. [Who hasn't?]

Squabbles over a family inheritance raised more rifts between the relatives, finding out my father had a 3 year long distance relationship with his ex-fiancee, and the icing on the cake, finding out my parents were in an arranged marriage from day one.

My father and the love of his life were broken up by my grandfather just because he didn't approve of their marriage and set him up with my mother because she was from a seemingly well off family. That's the sob story I was given.

Truth be told I never thought I could be so angry in my entire life. I was thoroughly disgusted at how pathetic this all was. Of course I was angry at myself as well even though I knew there wasn't much I could do about it.

All boils down to one thing: Nothing will change who I am or what I want to do.

I've managed to talk to some friends about all this, and I'm glad I did. At the very least I know I'm not going crazy.

On the more professional side of things, last month I got to work on a tv commercial in making storyboards and some of the props:

[If you guys so happen to see an office phone, a computer, a suitcase, some snowy houses, and a birthday cake, you'll know I had a hand in making those.]

I also got to see a music video in the making by a local band called Rides Again with their song called "Wonder Why", it plays the second you go to their myspace page:

Crazy multiple camera setups, fog machine, a turning platform, green-screen, a couple bright spotlights... Looked nuts!

This summer I didn't get to work on some freelance flash animation jobs like I thought I would. Got sidetracked by the colouring comics gig.

I'm working on the third issue of Neozoic as I speak. The mini series will end after the fourth issue, but I'm trying to negotiate a longer contract just so I have more work coming in for the next while. Just in case I don't find any on my own.

I've got a job interview with a small videogame company coming tomorrow. I have no idea how that'll go, but it was nice to hear that one of my job applications got through.

Which brings us to the crux of the matter.

I'm being emotionally blackmailed by my family into staying here in Markham by the way. Not fun. The prospect of taking a job offer outside the city away from them is incredibly tempting. I feel like I needed a break from it all.

A co-worker had also advised against making such life-changing decisions when I'm desperate or pressured. This confusion is combined with the need to make something of myself quickly and being unsure of whether videogames really is the way to go for the next couple years.

All I really want is to work on my own projects without having to worry about getting by financially or putting up with my family. Sound silly? I agree.

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  • Novid


    Baby Girl, Look at ya. Your can stand on your own two feet. The family is trying everything to stop you from blooming. They do this all the time in my family, but im not dead yet and Im doing my own stuff. Yeah, i might not have the connections, but at least I will be the anti-Chris Crocker (Cunningham) strong, strait, black, dont give a fuck about what 30+ year old and most baby bombers say, gets all the girls and stays a virgin for only one...and loves his animation but hates most otaku who think they know.

    Jessie, just calm down. Take the trip. See if they ready and then take the jump and enjoy the ride....

    Oh and dont forget the PSP while your at it :)

    Sep 27th, 2007 Reply
    • axl99


      Took the trip today, didn't like the new scene at all. Guys there like being in the biz but they don't like what they're doin' 100%. Telling me they think vidgame industry is going towards something like interactive movies, so they gotta up with the technical crap and go realistic in concept stuff.. But after all that talk it seemed to me they just wanted someone to do storyboards LOL. Small town they're in has rather mediocre living conditions, very few rental apartments in sight.

      Meh, I'll float on the current for now. My head's screwed straight on ok at the mo because at least I still have some work comin in from Red5, and the people I was working with are nice to work with.

      Gonna see if there are other places where I know I'll have fun workin after I get a chunk of Neozoic outta the way. Got my trusty DS to see me through the brain-drain phases LOL.

      Sep 27th, 2007 Reply
    • Novid


      Thats cool.

      You havent seen my new group Potauri have you...take a look at it when you get a chance...

      Just make sure things go your way. Thats all is needed...

      Sep 27th, 2007 Reply
  • Matt


    Hi Jess, such a résumé of what happened to you these last weeks !
    I'm glad to see that in the end you figured out that nothing will change what you are and what you want to do with your life. Family matters can be harsh but you are always a better person when you manage to go through. You know I know what it's like right ? ;)
    As for the professional facts, it would be sick to see you put your skills into the making of a DS game ! I bet the small company you applied to is making DS games, don't they ?
    Anyways, get on with your professional life. It solves everything.

    Sep 27th, 2007 Reply
    • axl99


      Nope, just the third gen platforms, mainly the xbox 360 and possibly the wii.

      I really wanna work on a DS or Wii game just cause it might be fun. I dunno where I could apply for stuff like that, there aren't many studios here I know of that do that. The biggies go for the heavy technical stuff.

      Shyte, I'd die if I get to work at Grasshopper Manufacturing [Killer7, No More Heroes] or Vanillaware [Odin Sphere].

      Still trying to find my professional life, so far I'm kinda locked down in comics even though I've been warned by other experienced colourists to get out LOL.

      Sep 27th, 2007 Reply