The REAL Brand New Day

Well, I been with you for so long…how has it been…since 2003? Nearly 5 YEARS! Through the pain and the sorrow and the rebuilding and all the growing up we have done I felt that this has been the place I am most at home in.

Everybody should know that a lot of us in the States are going through some times that seem difficult. The rest of the world has counted us out. Every goddamn industry maker and shaker now has the power to shape history of this nation just by saying Crazy crap like Lynn Spears is pregnant, Britney without Panties, Britney goes crazy, what have you.

You have enough soldiers in Iraq and it seems outside of WWE, Hannity, Beck and others, nobody cares about them. So why do you blame them for doing the things they do? And in turn, not all of them are bad. But the Military are not taking the best of the best and seem to take everybody even those with problems mental, sexual all the wrong things that post modern civilized life seem to crave.

At the same time, we seem to be going back to a day where none of these things existed. I’m not surprised at this, but sadly it’s now backfiring. But now we see what is occurring because of this. A new type of youth is being born, and it is one with out no roots, or lack of roots. I’m not talking about family roots; I am talking about the spiritual roots that aren’t necessarily religious but it does have some ideals in it.

There is a friend of mine called “Sabata”. He is what I call a karoatype, i.e. somewhere closer female than male. He was deep into the “life”, or what New Yorkers call, the dark side of the apple. He was hurt way too many times by those that he was involved with. He’s better now, but there are many others such as him, who have not necessarily given up on femininity and females, but want to complement it with a fetish. These days I wonder if Christ came back to earth, what would he say if he saw somebody created a man, felt it wasn’t working out, and then spends hundreds of dollars to go half way or all the way…and they say they love him, after disallowing on who you were or was made in the face of God…Damn.

Well, I’m just a human being. I make mistakes. I make huge mistakes. But one thing I have never done is to have intercourse on a sexual basis. It is becoming sadly an anathema. Sometimes, I observe males talking to a female (or multiple ones), not necessarily bad looking just normal and something happens, the manner of speaking changes, the racial overtones becomes apparent, and the “our race or die” motif etc, that just makes me wish for better days. It doesn’t help matters when those who don’t fall into the whole fashion of post modern life, who are maybe just a bit…protective, say things that are not true.

I guess sometimes, most men have given up. My friend told me that if it wasn’t for all of the laws protected our little brothers and sisters, the western world would have no children by now. Of course, those that try to do such things should be killed in the most sadistic way possible. But it says something about how much freedom women really have. I wish I could say all freedom in the world.

But uh…outside of five or so women (two here in shadowness) I know personally and have seen on the boob tube and the music world…I don’t see it existing anymore. I’m treated some days like a second class citizen in the country I was born in, not because of my skin…no it because I’m a man first who needs to look like Brad Pitt before I can even talk to another female, and then if I don’t fit the blue eyed, blond haired archetype, I have to fit the Usher, Chris Brown archetype.

I’m tired of that shit. Honestly.

I realized that I have been happy most of my life because I was searching for something to better myself…at the time I was hoping for a girl, but then I kind of realized it just another phase…what it was my inner self. And after what has happened to me recently, I realized that if this is as good as it’s going to get in my life, certain aspects have to change and others need not to change.

So, on Feb 15, I am moving to Boston, to have residence in both there and New York.

Philadelphia is right now- a psychopathic city. It’s dead. There is nothing more and nothing less than liars, thieves the whole lot. My Family is pretty much gone and if I stay beyond this date, it’s going to reach a point where I will make such mistakes that will destroy me. If I go to New York, It has a culture that is built on survival, and Boston is based on a culture of success. These two cities (more Boston now than New York along with Miami) are ALIVE. Someone given 5 years will get out of the hole and have a new life, no matter WHAT.

I’m moving because, me and my family has reached a point where I can’t live in the same city anymore without regressing to my old habits. I’m angry at every one in the household. There asking me that I stay and wait until I see my Grandmother in 2009. If I stay in the city, I WILL never see her.

I’m moving because, the memories of Philadelphia have not been good. I love the teams, I love the food, but that isn’t enough. I could go to South Carolina right now and have a job that will give me what I want. I can go to any where in this country with the degree I have and make enough to move on with my life. If I don’t do it now, its going to get worse when I’m thirty (the sell by due date for most females i.e. they don’t even want to talk to you.)

I move to these places because not because it’s better than here, the whole country is going through the early stages of a mental crisis. It’s almost like they have turned into zombies just wanting one thing and one thing only.

Sometimes, I look at humanity and wonder what has changed. Some people say nothing has changed, others say everything has and still others say we are about to change. The end I feel as though is here. A lot of things have gone wrong with this world. In fact, we have to get rid of this conflict within ourselves first before anything should happen. Some examples, from my friend Sabata should suffice:

A while back, my friend told me about a site (which I will not mention here) like my space, but unlike my space that particular web2.0 site has content deemed unsuitable. What he (Sabata) found out is that so many of the users of the site would have such and such rules, they wouldn’t add guys, the would not add those who where white or black, and even if they were they had to be of a certain condition, a certain look. Those that say they were single don’t stay that long, but never change there status of there relationships, those who many believe that are taken, might be using it to protect themselves. Sabata ended it, with a sad reminder that I have taken to heart.

[i]“They run roughshod on gimmicks that should have ended back in the early 90’s. They continue to hold on to wounds that should have been destroyed years ago or were put in by parents scared about a past they want to forget by being reborn into there parents religion. When equality was born and bred between the sheets of a bed, all of humanity starts to lose all kinds of nuances of language, protection of rights, protection of life and children. They don’t love a damn thing even themselves. All they ask is a man with a white horse to save there children from the supposed “demons” of the ghettos, while at the same time all have the “good little sins” forgiven (so it can be done again). In the end, they will lose it all and humanity might suffer a major withdrawal, whether it ends in war, disease it doesn’t matter, but it may be better off for it.”[/i]

I don’t believe in this supposed “bloomsday” that would come 5 years from now. I never really did. How can you have a bloomsday, when the fundamentals have been lost in order to save ones self? There maybe a few humans in this world that have shown us what in us were lost. But I go back to what Rinn stated several days ago when her hard drive was recovered from her dead laptop.

[i]“I guess I was way more enthusiastic about (3D) modeling before I really learned what I was doing or how to properly model things. It’s a funny feeling but now that I think about it, I think this now gives me the push that I need to move on. I've been stuck in a rut for a few years along with the pressures of school, parents, boyfriends, etc. so its about time I break out of this.”[/i]

There it is in a nutshell. Many don’t even see what they had in the past, before they were caught up by energies that seem to take us out of it.

That leads to my most important reason why I have to move. I have to move because my self worth is worthless if I stay longer here. I have come to the conclusion that every time I stay here, weather it’s because my parents are scared of my safety or how I talk or whatever, I don’t grow. I don’t make mistakes, I don’t change I don’t succeed and I don’t fail without them picking me up.

I made a similar post back when I was younger in an older version of Shadowness. But this time it’s permanent.

Garou Gothic is also closing its doors, along with Animation Rep on a semi-permanent basis. The main reason being is that the animation industry is going to crash in 2008 along with the Entertainment industry some time after. If it doesn’t crash 2008, when it DOES crash (and it will be soon) it will be a much longer time before it can recover…if it can recover. The only way the animation industry (or the entertainment industry for that matter) lives beyond 2012 is that if it merges with the Video Game Industry (animation) or with Sports (live action). I didn’t say there would be no animation industry; I stated that if it wants to survive as an entity in this country, it has to be apart of a video game franchise (NOT the other away around).

The other part of the reason, I don’t have the people to continue the Animation Rep beyond February of 2008.

I don’t have the same “joy” I did for animation (even during the times I created Toon Radio/Advance/D’ Series.) that I did when I first started on these sites. I was 16 (!) when I started out. I wanted to do something different than what others have done; a more political look in animation, a more social look into it. But looking back, I rather have those days back then now…after when I saw Persesopolis, I realized that there isn’t anything 4Kids or anybody else can do for this business. You cant create in a nation that continues to hate children (Toonzone still talking shit about the Kids, where as they themselves are the childlike animals.), then hate themselves on top of that, refuses to tell different stories from different people within this country, hates conservative thought etc. See, I realized that Toonzone doesn’t have to do ANYTHING to destroy it’s self, it’s doing it already. By becoming a semi-anime site, they have brought the worst of the anime community (4chan and the like) from out from its gutters.

In the end though, it will never really matter. Even if Animation Rep (or another site I produce but do not host) comes back, it will be totally different. I still want to do the documentaries and all that. But I don’t think animation has a center in this country. If most of animations words and worlds are not taken by anime’s retrofitting, than its style and nature that is has been taken. In essence, the center of the animation world isn’t in France or the States…it’s in a little geek’s room over in Shinjuku district (and God only knows what they have in there).

The Dramatizism of the 80’s is long since gone. The “Hardcore” soul defining story arcs of the 90’s have long since passed. What we have now is 1970’s retreads, because we are actually scared of what we wrote about this passing decade. I don’t want to be apart of that. How can you have passion for the art of animation when you cannot free your soul from the gutters that the adversarial energies give you? There can be no Led Zeppelins of animation anymore because the public schools suck, and the private ones don’t want artists or musicians, just more “occult” politicians hear to feed you lies about what’s really wrong with the nation.

Nobody wants to face the truth. But it’s too late. Until we do, we are going to die a slow and painful physiological death, where at the point of death, we see those that kept there mouth shut in fear of reveling themselves, will go crazy with there true natures. I see it on the net, and the spiritual darkness that is inherent within each of us will come out. Sexual Depravity (as Sabata has shown me) was the only reason we had a Civil Rights movement (case in point, Strom Thurmond) and not Malcolm X or Dr. Kings words. The Conflict in Vietnam destroyed this nation the first time…broke the family (black and white) broke the young from the old and there wise words, broke female from male. Even if Reagan made us feel good about this nation again, the damage was done. Recovery was not forthcoming and it was easy for many of us who were young in the 80’s to accept many things, some not true and many of it lies.

But as we grew older, the truth came out…movies like Blade Runner and Akira were showing something. And then, as we hit 18 years, 20 years, 25…we saw it. We really did not have our grandfather’s wishes for us. The nation we all believed was free could not be any closer to darkness than it is now. We look back and then look now and we want to go back, why is it easier to have a child then than now etc.

Then we realized, we are in Blade Runner. We have become apart of Tyrell Corp. Our “masters” tell your parents what we need to be in order to live in there world and succeed in there life. I don’t want there life, I want my own. That’s why I kind of respect the punks, the emos the Goths, because they try to have there own way…but that also is a fashion as well and I’m not too big on it.

I realize that entertaining people isn’t going to make them any smarter any better than there grandparents or those before them. We are one of only a few animals that suffer what is called in the accounting field; Diminishing Returns. The next generation gets less than the one before it, and the same with others. A new idea or a decay or devastation only rises up the generation after the fact. We are in this particular stage of American life, for the majority of the last 200 years of this nation’s life, a people raised on decay, raised on a new idea, but are set to see devastation on an unimagined scale. Take the movie Salo (don’t see the film if you have even the strongest of stomachs) and times it by 100. That’s the upcoming trials of humanity.

But why am I not worried? Because life isn’t going to get as hard now, as it’s going to become soon. Moving to a new state, (even though it has HIGH taxes) can’t cause things to happen. I have to move because I need a new attitude on life, and staying with a dead town where nothing changes and nothing grows isn’t for me. I need to grow and I can’t do it when people tell me NOTHING about who I am. I know what I am, I know how I am, but who I am is another story. Only I can find out who I am and that’s to start now.

I will be here. But my time in Philly is done. Its time to cut the wheat from the chaff. No Politician is going to save it. I love my family, but its time to find my own way.

There is one very small vain reason I forgot to mention. It’s to be closer to my friends here at shadowness, particularly Jessie (all know her as axl99, who lives in Canada; around the Montréal area,) and Rinn who lives in the rebuilding (if albeit slowly, blame the political correctness) skylines of New York. Well, many might think “OMG Stalker!” right now but it’s not like that. See, remember back when I first came here, most of the new users who just came to shadowness don’t notice this, but I was a fan of Toonami, and dealt with sites that were fans of the block. I stated the truth of what was really going down in Hollywood, they though I was trash talking and it got worse from there…On top of this one of my family members passed away, they thought I was lying…so it got even worse from there. I was at a PR (Power Rangers) newsgroup for a short time before I became apart of gamefaqs’s boards until 2007…I heard of shadowness and then was apart of shadowness 3 where I met Rinn first then Jessie. Then here comes the IRC days and Castor was always, always trying to make a pass on Rinn… (Rolls eyes). But yeah, not to forget all the rest from Meng, Tricks, to Villcesent (Raymond), and all the rest.

To be closer to real friends, and not those that detract from my soul.

Your Family is supposed to support you. But when I was 18 and asking to work, have an apartment etc? My folks said… No you can’t, until you have this and this… Now I’m 25, my parent’s house is in shambles. My sister (the second youngest from the one that passed away) ran away, and her “supposed” friends dissed her, lied about her and so on. And yet… even with a bachelors degree, the city (or should I say the corporations) isn’t given me a DAMN job worth MY TIME (6 years in school) and worth what I am truly worth. It’s get the certification. But you can’t really study for it; you have to take another class…and its $1,500. Oh, you have to retest every 3 years because the technology changes. I can do that. BUT where is DAMN MONEY coming when I don’t have much work and those 300 bucks is gone because my folks have to ask for money. After that I only have 150 left.

See, I could have gone to the military, then gone to school, then have the money, because of my military experience, but my parents don’t believe in it and since I’m the only son, they really don’t want me to go.

So, doing a little math, here is what it comes down to. If I move to Boston, I will have to pay out of state taxes, apartment fee (no less than 800 a month) and other such taxes. But, in Philadelphia, I have to pay a stipend for living here. The more money you make the more the stipend rises. New York has a similar one, but it doesn’t go up after a certain bracket. Boston is the same. Now I was born in Philadelphia, why in gods name do I need to pay when I work HERE and LIVE here? As for the lack of jobs in this city? Boston may not be as big but the jobs are fair. New York, anybody can make money if you look hard enough. So what it came down to was this. Stay in Philly, Bad memories, bad schools, no good jobs etc…go to Boston and New York, fair jobs, new memories, good schools…come on.

My time on here will be limited. I wanted to write new stuff for Portari and Shadowness early but that have to wait. I will still write but once Feb 6 rolls around, I’m ready to go. I am not going to stay where I’m not wanted. Do I want to live a karmic life or a dharmic life? Cycles of Pain, distress and all the rest, or something new something big bold…in a world turned Blade Runner?

We might be in that world…but it doesn’t mean we can’t liberate ourselves from it while in it.

The People Who Lost The Will To Live continue there Zombie spite. But I for one, will not be apart of there games. Have your marriage costume balls, having children to become your clones and the clones your “superiors” want to make them into. Prostoting (the media making children prostitutes if not by manners, by dress and mannerisms) there way to hell on Myspace for what the media calls the “fly over” country’s edification.

[b][i]IM NOT APART OF THAT SHIT AND NEVER WILL BE.[/i][/b]

Men like me have suffered so much mental anguish over what we grew up in and had to see. There are many more like myself who are in the same place now, who are trapped by things; enticements and all the minuisha.

But realize today, that you are not alone nor that we are the same or suffered in the same fashion. What we are is a people taught, who were shown the way to freedom for all man but was cut off by emotional distress, and emotional want. All we ever had, nay ever needed is in us and since most schools and now most parents don’t teach us that (note they say one thing but do the other), we do become like Chris Crocker and dress to get females and fulfill sexual desires, and we do become the people that BEAT up Chris Crocker in order to protect our fragile masculinity from his “fetish”, while those who are in-between these two energies are not promoted as spiritually sane, but as numb as door posts. “Take a side” the media(s) usually say, without knowing how these sides were created.

This is the SHAM that the media has now put up, since the government cant let us be who we are, cannot let us fight in conflicts the way they were taught, win it and go home, the corporations creating want that isn’t there, needs that haven’t been met, the education industry not teaching what we need to know, and how to think and not what to think, which leads into animation’s morass into banality, and the lack of new ideas in Hollywood; which now has to promote such banality as Spears & Spears, Hilton etc, which is distracting us from what is going on in the home’s and if people are going to lose it, the myspacing (I.e. looking for sex) going on inside most adolescent rooms, then the parents fight over money…while your watching your “Chosen Occultists” (a k a, the politicos) talk about the stuff WE cannot control, while men who do have actual support from the people, are dismissed as cranks…which leads back in to the government thinking for us and not letting us be as I said before.

The Media have made such a natural act between two people, into the fetish that is destroying everything close to us and around us. It all goes BACK into how beautiful the ladies look. The prettier you are, the more they want you and everything around you. Until the Western World, the Middle East and the Eastern Nations, ends this sexual and in turn violent conflict between each other, themselves, the opposite sex and their people, we will have no world to give to our children. Even The Church must give up the “bride of Christ” talk when it comes to land. The bride of Christ is neither a land nor a female or whatever new gimmick to show to me or the faithful. It isn’t some damn cloth you PRAY UNDER! It is the LOYALTY to ones self that is the “BRIDE”! Until you have that… No loyalty will ever exist between your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your parents, your teachers, your government, the buying of CD’s, DVD’s Blu-Ray’s in the hopes you don’t pirate them like you do with the Xbox 360 games, animation, TV, and all the rest.

And that concept was not taught by some guru, some priest. No, it was Hideo Kojima who stated that concept.

And his final story, is being threatened not to be told by the masses that need to hear, not by some product named after a males privates, not by some wand and touch screen, not by some space marine, and defiantly not by $599~!, and all the rest.

It is the sad realization that many of us have been manipulated into believing that being the best…that being better than yourself, better than all those that came before, is wrong.

And that my friends, is the greatest psychological genocide the modern era has placed on its children.

Think about it.

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