Novid
I know I haven't been here for a while. I had to think about things these days.
And the toughest thing in life one must face is to see the world as it is.
There is a person here in shadowness, who I am enamored with. I only talked to her once or twice earlier in the year. I think she is wonder and joy in a world filled of utter darkness.
But something is nagging me in the back of my mind. How do I go about saying it. How do I "compete" being 6'4, 225, darker skin... against those that are more handsome than I? How do I introduce myself? How can i deal with family who may never accept me and even if I am accepted, how would she be accepted by my own?
Maybe its not about acceptance but more about do we have interests? Our likes and dislikes? Would we take the taunting from those who think they have better answers for us if there is an "us"?
Yes, I have every right to be scared. Because i reached a point in life where its now or never again...
Have you ever cared for someone that you wanted to be with that person for the long term, maybe a whole life time ... impurities and all? I had. Twice. I don't want to lose another chance.
I have looked and looking isn't enough. I have seen but seeing is not believing. I want to do more in life... but it seems that its hard not wondering and knowing if some one with wiser eyes, softer hands, greater will, wondrous heart would come into life and shake the foundations of the cynicism that makes my life hard to bear.
But maybe life isn't for the easy way out. Maybe all life is are a bunch of what if's never realized. I just want to know if this what if... is to become right now.
How can i reach her...
How can i grasp the will to wake up and do something to change these circumstances?
Maybe its too late...
Maybe its all for nothing...
But then again - let me try. If nothing else - to confirm what is known or to go ahead and make what if, right now...
